Questions about specific types of crimes:

• Rape
• How common is rape?
• Should I try to talk him out of it?
• How serious is rape?
• Carjacking
• How common is carjacking?
• How can I keep from being carjacked?
• What should I do if carjacked?
• Purse Snatching
• How can I prevent purse snatching?
• Should I let him take my purse?
• Stalking
• What is stalking?
• Are stalkers really dangerous?
• What should you do if you are being stalked?
• Threats

Questions about protecting various kinds of people:

• Domestic violence
• How can I tell if I am being abused?
• What is different about being abused by someone you know?
• What to do if you are being abused?
• Children and Self-Protection
• What do parents need to know about protecting their children?
• What do children need to know about protecting themselves?

Rape

How common is rape?

Rape is the most common serious crime against women. Although the reported incidence varies somewhat from year to year, most authorities agree that the number of rapes far exceeds the numbers actually reported.

Should I try to talk him out of it?

You should use whatever method you think will be appropriate. For a rapist who is fairly casual about the situation, it might be possible to talk him out of it but, in most cases, that's not something you can count on. You should definitely have a repertoire of other things that you can do if talking doesn't work or if there isn't time to talk.

How serious is rape?

Very serious. Serious enough to be legally classified right up there with murder and robbery as the most serious of crimes. Even if a minimum of force is used to carry out the rape, the possible consequences to the woman (pregnancy, AIDS, herpes, other venereal disease, and post-traumatic physical and psychological effects) are extreme, severe, and very long-lasting.

There are many different kinds of rapists, ranging from the easily-discouraged to the sociopath who has decided that he won't stop until you are dead, or he is.

Carjacking

How common is carjacking?

Carjacking is on the increase in part because so many cars now have good anti-theft devices. People who steal cars are discovering that while it's getting harder to steal a car that's simply parked at the curb, it's relatively easy to get the car by taking the keys from the person who is driving it.

How can I keep from being carjacked?

Be aware of the possibility that it might happen. Look around you when you approach your car in a parking lot or on the street to see if anyone is close by. Have your keys in your hand so that you can get into your car very quickly and lock the car immediately. Keep the car doors locked and the windows rolled up nearly all the way, or all the way, when you're driving. Whenever you stop, be sure that you can see the road between your car and the car in front of you; that will give you enough space to maneuver if you have to suddenly pull out to one side or the other. Always check the back seat area before entering your car.

What should I do if carjacked?

If someone approaches you while you are getting into your car, it might be the best thing to simply let them take the car, as long as they're not trying to take you or your child with it. One way to foil their plan is simply to throw your keys as far away as possible. If someone is threatening you with a weapon, you are entitled to defend yourself; you're not protecting your car from the carjacker, you're protecting yourself from the carjacker.

The one thing you should try never to do is let the carjacker take both you and the car. If, despite everything you can do, you find yourself in the car with the carjacker (now a kidnapper), some things you might try are to make the car crash by grabbing the steering wheel, or attacking the kidnapper's eyes. If you are put in the trunk, use your cellphone to call for help, or kick out a tail light and wave your hand through the opening.

Purse snatching

How can I prevent purse snatching?

One way to prevent purse snatching is not to carry a purse, or to carry it in a way that makes it quite inaccessible, such as wearing it under your coat. Many women think that wearing a shoulder bag with the strap diagonally across their body is a good idea but, in fact, if someone grabs the purse in that position and tries to run with it, it can catch the strap around your neck. Keeping your purse close to your body and your arm over it makes it a little bit harder for someone to grab the purse. Also, being aware of who is around you is also very important.

Should I let him take my purse?

That's a decision that you have to make on the spot, and that decision is influenced by a lot of different factors.

If the person is trying to injure you to get the purse, you have the right to defend yourself to protect against being harmed. In some situations, women make the decision that they would rather give up their purse and assume that the person is going to leave with the purse and not bother them further. If that's the decision that you make, that's a reasonable thing to do. If you decide that you want to fight for your purse, you should know how to fight and you should make sure that your attacker is not armed.

You might reduce your anxiety about this crime by taking advance steps to minimize its impact, such as not carrying much cash, making sure you have copies at home of the favorite photos you carry, and knowing the procedures for reporting stolen credit cards. If you have taken these precautions, it might be easier to give up the purse without a fight.

Threats

Should you take threats seriously?

Absolutely! It may be hard for you to realize that your life is actually in danger but, if someone is making credible threats, you must take steps to protect yourself. Report it to the police. Find local organizations that can help you. You may decide to make yourself hard to find. If you want to move to a new location, you must not let your address or telephone number be known to people; use a post office box for all of your correspondence. Talk to AWARE -- there are literally hundreds of things that you can do to protect yourself.

Most victims of domestic violence who are murdered (or murder is attempted) by their abusers were stalked, sometimes for days, sometimes for months, before the lethal attack. If your life is being threatened, you should consider yourself a stalking target, and take steps to protect yourself. Even if you are not being stalked, the information AWARE offers may be highly relevant to you.

Domestic violence

How can I tell if I am being abused?

The answer isn't always obvious. The RYKA ROSE foundation provides the following questions to help you determine whether you are in an abusive relationship. Do you recognize yourself, or a friend, here?

Does the person you love ...

• Track all of your time?
• Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
• Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
• Prevent you from working or attending school?
• Criticize you for little things?
• Anger easily when drinking or on drugs?
• Control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
• Humiliate you in front of others?
• Destroy your personal property or sentimental items?
• Hit punch, slap, kick, or bite you or your children?
• Threaten to hurt you or your children?
• Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
• Force you to have sex against your will?

If you find yourself saying yes to several of these questions, you need to learn more about domestic abuse right away.

What is different about being abused by someone you know?

It may be harder to recognize and to acknowledge that it is happening to you. There are strong emotional and social forces that can keep even a very abusive relationship going for a long, long time.

It can also be emotionally more difficult to decide that you need to take strong action to protect yourself, but knowing your attacker does not change your right to protect yourself.

What to do if you are being abused

If you're in an abusive situation, you should not try to get through it alone. You should get help from a local shelter, a local women's group, or an organization like AWARE.

Your danger may temporarily increase when you try to separate from your abuser, so get help to plan that step carefully. Some sources for that help are local women's shelters (look in the phone book or ask at a police station).

Children

What do parents need to know about protecting their children?

The following are some useful tips, though they need to be adjusted to the age and needs of your child:

1. Establish a "family password" and drill your kids so that they understand that if anyone ever comes to pick them up at school "because Mommy or Daddy is sick" that person MUST give them the family password, or the child should not leave with them. Kids like family secrets, and should have no trouble dealing with this concept.



2. Tell them success stories about kids defending themselves, such as the 12 year old girl who was recently accosted by a man with a gun on her way to school. He told her to get into his van. She was more afraid of the van than the gun (wise child), and managed to break free and run away. He didn't shoot at her, and was later picked up by police and charged with several child murders. The point is that it is important to resist strongly and early in the interaction, not to go along (in the van, for example), hoping that the situation will somehow get better later on.



3. Role play with them in a low key way, so that they really know how to respond to a variety of situations. One girl who was walking home from school when she was accosted, and had trouble running away because she was afraid to drop her schoolbooks, fearing that her father would be angry at her if she lost the books. Parents spend a lot of time trying to get kids to understand and adopt our usual adult priorities, and it is very important that kids understand that all those normal rules are suspended if they are in personal danger!



4. Give them "Eddie Eagle" training about firearms. The message of the Eddie Eagle program is, if you see a gun, don't touch it, leave the area immediately, tell an adult. This is critical for even very young children to understand, since they might come across a firearm in the home of a friend. AWARE can tell you how to get Eddie Eagle materials (coloring book, etc) if you are interested.



5. Far more important than formal classes are the attitudes about self-protection that parents convey to kids. If Mommy is alert, unafraid, and self-reliant, the kids will tend to be so, too. Teach them that it is OK to scream, really loud, if they are in danger. If someone covers their mouth, teach them that it is alright to kick and scratch (not wildly, but targeted areas such as groin, eyes, throat and knees).



6. Don't have backpacks and clothing with the child's name visibly on it. It allows a stranger to call the child by name, and kids are less suspicious of (and more likely to obey) someone who knows their name.



7. Remember that the media strive to entertain as well as inform, and horror stories involving children get a huge amount of press and air time, because they sell a lot of papers and make people watch the TV, NOT BECAUSE THEY HAPPEN OFTEN. Kidnapping is every parent's worst nightmare, but it is NOT a common crime. It may not be increasing, though the "extensive media coverage" may make it feel that way. While teaching your children how to protect themselves from that, don't forget to teach them how to protect themselves from much more common threats, such as school yard bullies, friends experimenting with drugs, pedophiles, purse snatchers, etc.

What do children need to know about protecting themselves?

There are a number of programs springing up that claim to teach self-defense for kids. Be cautious about them. Most local martial arts groups and karate clubs are great for exercise and confidence building, but lousy for self-defense.

Some Impact studios, however, are starting to offer suitable kids' programs. Look for programs that teach a combination of boundary setting, verbal and physical techniques.